dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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