either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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