You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
