This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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