Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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