Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
