i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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