Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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