I seem to have left my pride at pride
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
