WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
