literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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