Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
