This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
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my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This baby is an asshole
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
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Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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