Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
