____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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