i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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