fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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