Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
