I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
sarcasm needs its own font
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize