last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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