This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
