Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
