obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
