I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
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Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
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There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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