What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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