I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
