my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
