i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
