he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
