i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
