is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
