This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
