Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
