You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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