I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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