PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
