My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
