Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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