im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He is an equal opportunity slut.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
