he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
