SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
