I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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