uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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