I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
