frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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