Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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