we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize