Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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