I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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