Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
