Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
