I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
