It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
True strength comes from lack of pants
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
