awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
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She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
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I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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