We won't sleep together?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
