My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
