I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
