Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
