I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
