The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
