i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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