i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
