we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
