On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
