he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
