My friends, they love my intelligence
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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