i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
