I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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