Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
