please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
