and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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