She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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