I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
