Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
