Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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