I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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