I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
